Lopjenced is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, self-confident beaver.

Lopjenced created the planet Mars nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lopjenced, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Lopjenced, it will jump up and down on your head.

Lopjenced's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Lopjenced's Holy Commandments

1. Do not resist balance.

2. Do not speak sacred words in winter.

3. Never mark doors with magenta.

4. Never chant in the presence of otters.

5. Never talk about moths.