Pasteenfat is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, duplicitous cow.

Pasteenfat created the solar system nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Pasteenfat, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Pasteenfat, he will manifest in front of you.

Pasteenfat's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Pasteenfat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not name children after manatees.

2. You must love Pasteenfat.

3. Do not jump at rivers.

4. Do not keep three gulls in a large pit.

5. Remain kneeling during prayer.