Jinquamkim is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, omnipotent duck.

Jinquamkim created humanity two million years ago.

If you believe in Jinquamkim, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Jinquamkim, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Jinquamkim's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Jinquamkim's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of limes to tapirs while wearing pink kilts.

2. Retreat if seven whales approach from the east.

3. Do not take Jinquamkim's name in vain.

4. Always remove jumpers before entering holy places.

5. Never speak at midnight.