Cubsaffon is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, blissful zebra.

Cubsaffon created the planet Saturn nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cubsaffon, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Cubsaffon, he will torture you forever.

Cubsaffon's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Cubsaffon's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about black holes.

2. Never proclaim while facing north.

3. Never eat coconuts.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Never gather three aardvarks in one place.