Jamjopnak is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, unfair fly.

Jamjopnak created a top quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jamjopnak, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Jamjopnak, she will make you grow a tail.

Jamjopnak's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Jamjopnak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate moths.

3. Always obey Jamjopnak's priests.

4. Do not eat aubergines.

5. Never look in ponds.