Ontjonjen is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, overgenerous beaver.

Ontjonjen created time and space eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Ontjonjen, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Ontjonjen, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Ontjonjen's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Ontjonjen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Pray towards the north.

3. Never stain your chest with orange.

4. Do not wear iron on your body.

5. Ontjonjen must be the most important thing in your life.