Jonlimpod is a god.

He takes the form of a small, irritating aardvark.

Jonlimpod created dark energy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jonlimpod, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Jonlimpod, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Jonlimpod's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Jonlimpod's Holy Commandments

1. Put Jonlimpod first in all things.

2. Do not wear shorts marked with gray.

3. Never wear cyan hats on sacred days.

4. Always check lakes for frogs.

5. Always help voles in need.