Flatfonbop is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, capable elephant.

Flatfonbop created dark matter eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatfonbop, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Flatfonbop, she will turn you into a puffin.

Flatfonbop's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Flatfonbop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat nuts.

2. Do not speak about wheat.

3. Do not eat bananas.

4. Always help gulls.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.