Fatbampag is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, generous jaguar.

Fatbampag created the Large Magellanic Cloud five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fatbampag, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Fatbampag, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Fatbampag's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Fatbampag's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate pigs.

2. Never mention sharks.

3. Do not prepare gooseberries while filled with joy.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Do not listen to music.