Kanyikgud is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, vain crane.

Kanyikgud created the planet Venus eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kanyikgud, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Kanyikgud, he will make you grow a tail.

Kanyikgud's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Kanyikgud's Holy Commandments

1. Never mark doors with violet.

2. Never record names.

3. Always remove corsets before touching silver.

4. Erect five platinum sculptures of Kanyikgud on top of important buildings.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.