Ben is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, witty fish.

Ben created bats six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ben, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Ben, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Ben's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Ben's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never write about quantum mechanics.

3. Never paint your head turquoise.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Never touch ash while blessed.