Ontvabmin is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, stupid wasp.

Ontvabmin created snails three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ontvabmin, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Ontvabmin, she will turn you into a rock.

Ontvabmin's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Ontvabmin's Holy Commandments

1. Never allow grasshopers to sleep beneath your roof.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Always keep your back turned to the south at sunset.

4. Do not leap in public.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.