Pinominpang is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, happy bear.

Pinominpang created light four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pinominpang, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Pinominpang, she will boil you in a big pot.

Pinominpang's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Pinominpang's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no tapirs in a building before entering it.

2. Do not gather at towers at dusk.

3. Pigs are not to be trusted.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.