Larpnigzen is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, all-knowing swallow.

Larpnigzen created a photon eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Larpnigzen, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Larpnigzen, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Larpnigzen's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Larpnigzen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear white clothing.

2. Always cleanse your hands after touching titanium.

3. Never discuss nucleic acids in public assemblies.

4. Great tits are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Do not prepare parsnips while wearing tights.