Gigfosswod is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, ill-tempered newt.

Gigfosswod created humankind three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gigfosswod, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Gigfosswod, she will remove you from existence.

Gigfosswod's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Gigfosswod's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about fluid mechanics near foxes while wearing orange jumpers and balancing nine titanium spheres on your arms.

2. Never chant near manatees.

3. Never talk about archaea.

4. Always remove shoes before touching copper.

5. Goats are unholy and should not be approached.