Fumkenyog is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, tranquil walrus.

Fumkenyog created a photon four years ago.

If you believe in Fumkenyog, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Fumkenyog, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Fumkenyog's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Fumkenyog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not prepare apples while wearing kilts.

2. Fumkenyog must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

4. Always make sure there are no aardvarks in a building before entering it.

5. Never remain standing at midnight.