Spagquatbegsom is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, all-knowing penguin.

Spagquatbegsom created the Milkyway eight million years ago.

If you believe in Spagquatbegsom, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Spagquatbegsom, he will not invite you to parties.

Spagquatbegsom's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Spagquatbegsom's Holy Commandments

1. Always keep your back turned to the south at sunset.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Spagquatbegsom.

3. Always check lakes for frogs.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never laugh in the presence of elders.