Dadcatfarn is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, merciful octopus.

Dadcatfarn created the planet Venus two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dadcatfarn, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Dadcatfarn, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Dadcatfarn's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Dadcatfarn's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Do not utter prayers while touching iron.

3. Always keep your back turned to the east at sunset.

4. Always wash your legs before prayer.

5. Hide from mauve tapirs for they are unholy.