Hunyokcim Cetvogfag is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, tiresome alligator.

Hunyokcim Cetvogfag created the world five million years ago.

If you believe in Hunyokcim Cetvogfag, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Hunyokcim Cetvogfag, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Hunyokcim Cetvogfag's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Hunyokcim Cetvogfag's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum mechanics near voles while wearing magenta dresses and balancing nine titanium spheres on your legs.

2. Always wear plain boots during rituals.

3. Never gather three rats near walls.

4. Do not record secrets concerning galaxies.

5. Never mention hamsters.