Ontbinril is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, proud mongoose.

Ontbinril created light four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontbinril, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Ontbinril, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Ontbinril's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Ontbinril's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your neck.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Worship no other gods but Ontbinril.

4. Ontbinril loves cats, so they must be respected.

5. You must love Ontbinril.