Haskap is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, conceited armadillo.

Haskap created the cosmos three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Haskap, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Haskap, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Haskap's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Haskap's Holy Commandments

1. Pray only in firelight.

2. Always remove scarves before touching copper.

3. Always help sick porpoises.

4. Learn eight new languages a year.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.