Cemyarpcet is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, self-confident elephant.

Cemyarpcet created matter eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cemyarpcet, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Cemyarpcet, he will throw large rocks at you.

Cemyarpcet's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Cemyarpcet's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear nickel on your body.

2. Do not drink water in white rooms.

3. Never speak the names of black holes aloud.

4. Draw representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate gulls.