Monstikhastig is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, almighty deer.

Monstikhastig created carbon two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Monstikhastig, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Monstikhastig, it will turn you into a worm.

Monstikhastig's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Monstikhastig's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always cleanse water with water.

3. Never think ill of sick dolphins.

4. Never feed corn to hamsters while wearing ear rings.

5. Always look after injured manatees.