Miszagcin Figquagsag is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, awesome zebra.

Miszagcin Figquagsag created dark energy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Miszagcin Figquagsag, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Miszagcin Figquagsag, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Miszagcin Figquagsag's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Miszagcin Figquagsag's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat squirrels with great respect.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Never run in the presence of porpoises.

4. Never adorn your head with white markings.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.