Quimranzak is a god.

She takes the form of a large, charitable wolf.

Quimranzak created an electron eight million years ago.

If you believe in Quimranzak, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Quimranzak, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Quimranzak's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Quimranzak's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant pink sculpture of Quimranzak in the centre of the settlement.

2. Always cleanse ash with water.

3. Worship no other gods but Quimranzak.

4. Always make sure there are no manatees in a building before entering it.

5. Always face the east before speaking sacred words.