Metyakquat is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, tiresome gerbil.

Metyakquat created the Sunflower Galaxy twelve years ago.

If you believe in Metyakquat, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Metyakquat, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Metyakquat's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Metyakquat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never travel toward the west during winter.

5. Always pray immersed in water.