Gemarpkim is a god.

She takes the form of a large, impressive aardvark.

Gemarpkim created the solar system five million years ago.

If you believe in Gemarpkim, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Gemarpkim, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Gemarpkim's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Gemarpkim's Holy Commandments

1. Always face the north before speaking sacred words.

2. Never gather four squirrels in one place.

3. Never mention foxes.

4. Do not keep three seals in a large pit.

5. Otters are unholy and should not be approached.