Bemfarngess Titcanjat is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, clever hippopotamus.

Bemfarngess Titcanjat created the planet Earth eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bemfarngess Titcanjat, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Bemfarngess Titcanjat, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Bemfarngess Titcanjat's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Bemfarngess Titcanjat's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Put Bemfarngess Titcanjat first in all things.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.