Fonnilquaf is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, blissful dryad.

Fonnilquaf created humankind five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fonnilquaf, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Fonnilquaf, he will turn you into a hamster.

Fonnilquaf's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Fonnilquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not consume aubergines at dawn.

2. Always help horses in need.

3. Never handle silver while unclean.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never approach mountains carrying ash.