Hakyimvingem is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, awe-inspiring dolphin.

Hakyimvingem created Asia eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hakyimvingem, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Hakyimvingem, he will refuse to believe in you.

Hakyimvingem's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Hakyimvingem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not name children after moths.

2. Never approach rivers carrying ash.

3. Turtles are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Remain prostrate during prayer.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.