Tigbafdun is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, happy otter.

Tigbafdun created light seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Tigbafdun, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Tigbafdun, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Tigbafdun's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Tigbafdun's Holy Commandments

1. Learn nine new languages a year.

2. Never mark doors with turquoise.

3. Always remove shirts before touching silicon.

4. Monkeys are not to be trusted.

5. Erect a giant green sculpture of Tigbafdun in the centre of the settlement.