Nurltonksancat is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, pitiless yak.

Nurltonksancat created energy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurltonksancat, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Nurltonksancat, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Nurltonksancat's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Nurltonksancat's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured rats.

2. Pray only in firelight.

3. Always make sure there are no dolphins in a room before entering it.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Never chant while facing east.