Zed is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, compassionate cat.

Zed created the solar system three million years ago.

If you believe in Zed, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Zed, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Zed's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Zed's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with obedience when addressing children.

2. Zed loves swans, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not prepare lentils while wearing tights.

4. Retreat if five tapirs approach from the north.

5. Never speak the names of stars aloud.