Jamvedneg Gesszimvonk is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, astonishing grasshopper.

Jamvedneg Gesszimvonk created the world nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jamvedneg Gesszimvonk, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Jamvedneg Gesszimvonk, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Jamvedneg Gesszimvonk's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Jamvedneg Gesszimvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not skip at mountains.

2. Never talk about quantum mechanics near turtles while wearing purple shirts and balancing five nickel spheres on your chest.

3. Do not consume pineapples at dawn.

4. Always cleanse your hands after touching gold.

5. Never feed aubergines to badgers while wearing dresses.