Tettilapquat is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, generous rat.

Tettilapquat created water twelve years ago.

If you believe in Tettilapquat, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Tettilapquat, he will be mildly annoyed.

Tettilapquat's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Tettilapquat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never talk about quantum gravity near horses while wearing green boots.

5. Never hurt dolphins.