Tanvinjin is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, impressive cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Tanvinjin created tapeworms eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tanvinjin, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Tanvinjin, he will make you grow a tail.

Tanvinjin's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Tanvinjin's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed apples to aardvarks while wearing shoes.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Always maintain patience during days of mourning.

4. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

5. Never talk about optics near hamsters while wearing turquoise boots and balancing six aluminium spheres on your chest.