Lidjopyam is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, staggering turtle.

Lidjopyam created the Whirlpool Galaxy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Lidjopyam, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Lidjopyam, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Lidjopyam's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Lidjopyam's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about bats.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never go into brown rooms.

4. You must love Lidjopyam.

5. Never chant near snakes.