Sitbamjat is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, witty cow.

Sitbamjat created gold seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Sitbamjat, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Sitbamjat, he will turn you into a mole.

Sitbamjat's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Sitbamjat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not name children after aardvarks.

2. Always store peanuts above ground.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Sitbamjat.

4. Always act with patience.

5. Never remain bowed at dusk.