Bamton is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, smart dove.

Bamton created a photon six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bamton, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bamton, he will laugh at you.

Bamton's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Bamton's Holy Commandments

1. Do not utter prayers while touching iron.

2. Always make sure there are no grasshopers in a building before entering it.

3. Never think about black holes.

4. Never think about fluid mechanics near ducks while wearing indigo shoes and balancing seven lead spheres on your face.

5. Never talk about galaxies.