Zoglimstipfumyak Flannuttif is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, all-knowing gnu.

Zoglimstipfumyak Flannuttif created the Black Eye Galaxy five million years ago.

If you believe in Zoglimstipfumyak Flannuttif, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Zoglimstipfumyak Flannuttif, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Zoglimstipfumyak Flannuttif's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Zoglimstipfumyak Flannuttif's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak of the weak nuclear force near sacred fires.

2. Never think about quantum mechanics near mites while wearing red dresses and balancing four gold spheres on your chest.

3. Never talk about dark matter.

4. Never wear brown shorts.

5. Always help ducks in need.