Cetnurtxem is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, benevolent warg.

Cetnurtxem created a quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cetnurtxem, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Cetnurtxem, she will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Cetnurtxem's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Cetnurtxem's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry tapirs.

2. Never wear brown shorts.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never write about black holes.

5. Do not wear titanium on your body.