Vanmongod is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, overgenerous lobster.

Vanmongod created a photon four billion years ago.

If you believe in Vanmongod, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Vanmongod, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Vanmongod's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Vanmongod's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion sacred items from clay.

2. Always count to nine before sleeping.

3. Put Vanmongod first in all things.

4. Never talk about quantum gravity.

5. Do not speak about onions.