Bemyogjen is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, deceitful cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Bemyogjen created bats three million years ago.

If you believe in Bemyogjen, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Bemyogjen, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Bemyogjen's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Bemyogjen's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place in purple.

3. Do not shave your feet.

4. Always cleanse your hands after touching titanium.

5. Never approach forests carrying clay.