Shavnarlwit Vonquaggig is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, self-confident octopus.

Shavnarlwit Vonquaggig created a photon four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Shavnarlwit Vonquaggig, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Shavnarlwit Vonquaggig, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Shavnarlwit Vonquaggig's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Shavnarlwit Vonquaggig's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

3. Never travel toward the east during spring.

4. Run away from mauve moths, for they are unholy.

5. Never mark doors with white.