Lipdussmip Hitfasbitxuc Bossquimtag is a god.

He takes the form of a large, impressive snail.

Lipdussmip Hitfasbitxuc Bossquimtag created an up quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lipdussmip Hitfasbitxuc Bossquimtag, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Lipdussmip Hitfasbitxuc Bossquimtag, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Lipdussmip Hitfasbitxuc Bossquimtag's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Lipdussmip Hitfasbitxuc Bossquimtag's Holy Commandments

1. Never adorn your back with mauve markings.

2. Never feed lots of figs to seals while wearing purple shoes.

3. Never speak of balance in the presence of elders.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never think ill of sick manatees.