Hivzakbod is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, witless hippopotamus.

Hivzakbod created water nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Hivzakbod, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Hivzakbod, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Hivzakbod's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Hivzakbod's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Run away from pink mice, for they are unholy.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.