Guptalbest is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, unthoughtful beaver.

Guptalbest created the cosmos three million years ago.

If you believe in Guptalbest, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Guptalbest, he will turn you into a rock.

Guptalbest's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Guptalbest's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Always cleanse your hands after touching zinc.

3. Worship no other gods but Guptalbest.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never curse while facing south.