Kombepyarl is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, uncaring turtle.

Kombepyarl created the world three billion years ago.

If you believe in Kombepyarl, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Kombepyarl, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Kombepyarl's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Kombepyarl's Holy Commandments

1. Always remove corsets before entering holy places.

2. Never record secrets.

3. Pray only in shadows.

4. Do not wear coats marked with purple.

5. Heed all signs.