Gutlimvan is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, capable owl.

Gutlimvan created snails five million years ago.

If you believe in Gutlimvan, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Gutlimvan, he will turn you into a sheep.

Gutlimvan's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Gutlimvan's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Do not prepare lentils while filled with joy.

3. Never wear orange skirts.

4. Never talk about dark energy near porpoises while wearing turquoise coats.

5. Never pray while filled with anger.