Ortsisstig is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, staggering penguin.

Ortsisstig created the planet Mars five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortsisstig, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Ortsisstig, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Ortsisstig's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Ortsisstig's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never speak of balance in the presence of strangers.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never prepare corn during winter.

5. Do not keep nine nematodes in a large pit.